


Things Fall Apart

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-17
Updated: 2005-11-17
Packaged: 2019-05-30 17:24:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15101480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Tempation and fustration lead to a breaking point.





	Things Fall Apart

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Kismet: Things Fall Apart**

**by:** MeganFitz 

**Character(s):** Josh and Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance Comedy  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** They aren't mine, I wish they were, but they aren't. Sniff Sniff  
**Summary:** Tempation and fustration lead to a breaking point.  
**Author's Note:** This is an Alterative Universe story, (I've never written one before) The whole series takes place during the first and a little into the second session. Keep in mind its an AU so not everything will be perfect. 

Summer had clenched its hold on the District of Columbia. The air was not an invisible entity, but a strangling force of heat and suffocation. Tourists flocked to educate their young about the nation's history, everyone had to see Fonzi's jacket, and interestingly, no one cared about the masterpieces of art a mere two blocks away. 

Today, was going to be a good day; Donna felt it in her bones. She had taken a large step not so long ago. She was safe and comfortable in this new life that had been thrown at her. Feelings stirred; dreams lingered into waking hours. She was starting to fall and fall hard. But she had a good feeling she wasn't the only one. And today she was going to be his assistant for the morning, until Ginger came back from the dentist. Donna had volunteered for the job because it gave her an excuse to talk to him and tease him. She'd begun craving her time with him. And there really wasn't anything stopping them, was there? 

Today was going to be a good day; Josh could feel it. He'd begun trusting someone again, which meant more to him than any physical relationship. Although, he did miss all aspects of a physical relationship. Mostly, he missed the physical part. But he knew he had fallen, and much harder than even he had expected. What he needed was a plan, some sort of plan where they could be together. But in every scenario he created in his mind, they always started and ended in the same way: a blissful beginning and a career-ending conclusion. Was it his career he lost sleep over, or hers? Josh huffed and thought maybe today wasn't going to as good as he'd thought. 

It started out as an uneventful morning. Senior Staff was early; there was nothing he needed so he headed back to his office. While he was in the process of watching CJ's morning briefing his door opened. He didn't look up; he assumed it was Donna who was going to be Ginger today. 

"You're late, did you bring me coffee at least?" 

"No, Joshie Bear I didn't." Josh wanted to freeze, but his head slowly moved in the direction of the voice. His stomach churned a combination of the flipping it did whenever he heard her voice, then sank at seeing her again. All blood drained slowly from his face. 

He swallowed. "Teresa, what are you doing here?" In his head that sounded more frightened than what came out of his mouth. 

She glided into the room and gracefully shut the door behind her. "I have a meeting with Lionel Tribby. I came early to see you." She inched over to him. 

He found saliva filling his mouth, and the need to constantly swallow. She looked better than in his memories. Her hair was longer, but she still looked just as mysterious and elegant as before. Her pouty lips and her mile-long eyelashes fanning her tanned skin made Josh momentary forget how much he hated her. No. He did hate this woman, and just because she looked amazing he wasn't going to fall for it. He mustered all his strength to speak, "Get out of my office." But the comment went unnoticed. Teresa continued her pursuit. 

"Did you miss me, Josh?" her husky voice demanded, haunting the air around him. 

"No," he lied. 

"Liar." He cursed in his mind, only Donna should be able to do that. Teresa stood before him, raising one arms delicately in the air and placing it on his cheek. His mind started to flash to all their late night encounters. Her hand seemed to burn his cheek. 

It had been such a long time since anyone touched him. He leaned into her hand more. "You did miss me Josh." 

"Maybe a little," he confessed darkly. They had good times didn't they? Before the bitterness there was laughter, right? 

"I was awful to you and not a day goes by that I don't regret it." She leaned in; her lips were inches from his. "I miss you too." 

Her lips brushed against his. He wanted none of this. He hated her and everything she had done to him. 

He was torn emotionally and physically. There were so many things wrong with this situation, he didn't want her, not here, not in the White House. But of course this is where she wanted him, this is where she found him to be the most attractive. He cursed her in his mind. 

She was tempting him, she was Eve and her red lips were the apple. 

But he had to admit, she smelled good. Light and fruity, like the kind of perfume Donna wore. Donna. How could he do this to her? He would hurt her. But any injury that was caused would be inevitable, right? Maybe a physical relationship with Donna was impossible. Maybe this was the only option he had. Teresa's hair was long like Donna's and it tickled his neck as much as he always imagined it would. He closed his eyes and absorbed her touch and smell. In his head, this wasn't Teresa, it was Donna. 

Donna bounded into the White House. She greeted CJ before the Morning Briefing and quickly got her organized for the day. She placed Josh's coffee on Ginger's desk so she could walk in without it and tease him. Only then would she produce the coffee in question. 

She thumbed through Ginger's _Day Planner_ and picked up the files he was going to need for the day. She pushed open the door to his office and laughed. "I know I'm late but the line at Starbucks was…." 

Then her eyes focused. The images her brain was receiving weren't very clear. She knew this was Josh's office. She knew that was his desk. She didn't know the woman kissing him. She had recognized the look of shame, but never expected to see it on his face. At first she wasn't even sure it was Josh; she had never seen him look so flustered and with smeared lipstick on his face. 

No, that was Josh. And the woman, dark and deadly: Teresa. 

"GET OUT!" Teresa hissed with venom. 

Nearly a year's worth of memories flashed in her mind's eye before she relived the memory in a hotel room, the memory that gave her this new life. 

That last time she'd followed the command. This time, she fought back. 

"Oh, hi. Josh listen you have a meeting with Hoynes in ten minutes and Leo needs to see you in his office before you go," Donna said evenly. 

"Are you deaf? Get out!" 

"I'm sorry, but I didn't see 'ex girlfriend' on his schedule." 

It was Ed who checked the guest book and launched the alarm. He was running through the West Wing trying to find the people who could put an end to the Teresa Attack. He saw Toby first, who was the farthest from Josh's office. "CODE T," Ed bellowed. 

"Who's Cody?" Toby asked. 

"CODE T!" Ed cried again and ran off. It took Toby a few more seconds to translate and recall the procedure. 

"Teresa," he whispered and started sprinting to Josh's office. 

In three minutes Ed was able to find CJ, Sam and of course Toby. All were making a beeline to Josh's office. None of them knew the battle that was taking place. 

The two women stared at each other; Josh was rendered voiceless. 

"Excuse me?!" Teresa hissed. 

"Yeah, in fact, what are you doing in the building?" 

"Why should it matter to you? Aren't you just an assistant?" The emphasis on 'just' was meant to wound and cut, instead it gave Donna strength. 

Donna waited for an answer, standing her ground. 

"I am meeting with Lionel." Teresa gave in. 

"Tribby? Yeah he's at the hill today. So you're in the wrong building. Look I know it's confusing, I'd walk you over there myself, but I'm really busy. I'm sure security can take you to where you need to be. Why don't I give you a few seconds to fix your lipstick, before I get you a 'guide'?" Underneath Donna's sugary sweet exterior, a lava bed of contempt raged. However she had to play it cool, otherwise, the lava would explode and the ramification could land Donna in jail. 

Teresa smirked at Donna, that 'you bitch" smirk, and did as she was instructed. 

Josh's eyes never left the ground. 

That's when screams and bellows echoed from the hallway, "JOSH! You're needed in the Mural Room," Toby called. 

"Josh, the Roosevelt room, now!" from Sam 

"Josh, I need you in my office," bellowed CJ 

Teresa looked smug. She started saying something then thought better of it when she saw the way Donna was glaring at her. Josh sat with his head between his legs, holding chunks of his hair. 

"Ta-ta everyone," came Teresa's farewell to them all. 

"Bye," Donna uttered. When the temptress was gone, Donna said sharply, "No one speak." Although that final command was the last thing she was able to say without her voice quivering. The lump or the tightness in her throat was currently preventing the words to come out even and clear. "Toby, stop blowing off Larry King, if I have to reschedule you one more time.. I'll do something very… I don't know…mean. Sam, if you want me to edit your speech, leave it on my desk by, um, noon. CJ, there is about twelve different messages on your desk I suggest calling the New York Times back first. Oh, could someone call Ginger? CJ, is it cool if I go for a run?" 

"Sure thing." CJ nodded sympathetically 

"Um, Josh, you still have that meeting, so wipe the lipstick off your face," Donna said in the doorway. She needed to get out, the air was choking her, or at least that was what she was blaming her uneven voice on: the air. 

Too many emotions clung to Josh at once, he couldn't move. 

"You know I think we need a new code name," Toby suggested. 

The same few thoughts and images raced across Donna mind as she left the White House. 

_How could he do this to me? Why did I even trust him? Why do I keep picking on men who hurt me?_ And then she wondered if she could ever trust him again. Did she even have a right to be mad at him? She had no claim on Josh. 

_So why the hell does it hurt so much?_ It was the only question she had an answer to. 

_Because I wanted him to be different. I expected more from him._

Donna ran from the White House and headed toward the monuments. When her head was filled with too many ideas, this was where she ran, no traffic lights to pause her pace, just trees, tourists and monuments. However, when she'd lapped the Washington and Korean War monuments twice, her head still wasn't clear. She ran to the Zoo. 

The Zoo was the only place her mind stopped thinking about Josh. First she cursed all the elephants, then she wondered why there weren't any donkeys in the zoo, after all there were cows. And why were there cows at the zoo? True, they were the nicest groomed cows she had ever seen, but still, she felt they were unnecessary. Her only thought as she ran was, "What asshole designed a zoo downhill?" Every other thought in her head revolved around Josh Lyman. 

Josh sat in his car for forty-five minutes screaming at the top of his lungs. He screamed every profanity he could think of and slewed them together in nonsensical sentences. When Toby, Sam, and Charlie came to his car, he locked the doors. He needed to be alone. Alone with his self-loathing. He'd hurt Donna. Sure it was going to happen eventually, but did it have to be today? If it had been any other man, he would have found this to be unforgivable. But he did it, and no words or emotions could truly express his rage. 

He hated himself. He hated hurting her. He hated Teresa. He hated that she ruined his life again. Mostly, he hated that he didn't put up more of a fight. 

When he came back to his office, Ginger was at her desk. He nodded at her and in a hoarse and raspy voice asked, "Can you push back some of my meetings today?" 

"I already did." Ginger had also thrown out the Starbucks coffee on her desk. 

Josh didn't speak to anyone for the rest of the day. Donna went about her job and questioned a few people about the zoo. CJ sent her home early. Josh worked late. 

During Senior Staff three days later Josh was sitting on the couch, Mandy was tapping her foot, she was nervous about something, but Josh didn't really care what. 

"Josh were did you sleep last night?" Leo asked in the middle of talking about something Josh didn't care about. 

"Hmm?" 

"Sleep. Where did you do it?" 

"Toby's couch." 

"At his apartment." 

"In his office." Josh hated to be spoken to like a five-year-old. 

The President looked up from his papers. "Josh, we are not going through this again. You were unbearable for five months after you two broke up. Go home get showered and cleaned up. I want Teresa St. Clair banned from the building. Why do you let this woman do this to you?" The President questioned Josh. 

"I don't know, sir." 

An hour later he was back in the White House. Sam had been dodging this topic for over a year, but now seemed like the right time, he assaulted Josh with then questions the instant he walked into his office. 

Josh nodded at Ginger who called back to him. When the men entered the office and closed the door Josh threw some files on his desk. Of course he didn't see the files land on the white button on his intercom. 

"So, I was thinking." 

"That's dangerous Sam." 

"I've heard, any way I was thinking it's time you started dating again." 

"No." 

"See here's where our opinions differ. Do you really think you would have been able to fight off HER evil ways if you were you know, getting some?" 

"We pay you to write?" Josh questioned. 

"Look, there are lots of great women out there." 

"Some of them aren't even call girls." 

"Josh, don't be an ass. You have to get back on the pony. Meet new people, try new things." 

"I don't need to meet new people." 

"How about people you've already met? What about Morgan in Andi's office? She's cool." 

"She spits when she talks." 

Donna had come to see if Ginger had the files CJ needed. At first Ginger didn't respond to Donna, she just stared at the box on her desk. 

"What about Meredith from down in the Council's office?" Sam's voice sounded tinny. 

"No, she talks about her ferrets too much." Josh's voice sounded disapproving. 

"You shouldn't be listening to this," Donna said quietly. The wounds that Josh had caused were still too raw for her to talk about. Nothing good could come from listening to this conversation. 

"Ok," Sam said, "that 80-year-old lady down in the mess. Come on. She's hot and she might hook us up with extra mash potatoes. Josh, think about it! EXTRA MASH POTATOES." 

A quiver of a smile started to form on Donna's lips when she heard Josh laugh. It had been a while since she had heard that sound. 

Sam continued, "Ok, now call me crazy, I am just throwing something out there for you. What about Donna?" 

Ginger grabbed Donna's arm. This was a moment Ginger and 95% of the staff had been waiting for and she wasn't going to let Donna walk away from it. 

The answer can quickly. "No." 

Donna felt her knees weaken and her mouth open, did words want to escape? She wasn't sure, but she did know that Ginger's hand was preventing her from falling. 

"But why not? Donna's amazing. She's funny and smart as hell, and I think she's into you." 

Donna didn't know what was worse: the fact that Josh didn't want her or that Sam had to sell her. No the worst thing was Josh's reasoning. 

"No. She's an assistant. Move on." 

Donna didn't hear anything else. She couldn't look at Ginger whose sympathy-filled eyes were too much for Donna to bear. 

"I have to go." Donna hurried to her desk. Her hands were shaking and, voice quivering, she called to CJ. "Hey, um something's going to hit in a few minutes and I really don't want to be around for it. I'm going for a run." 

CJ lifted herself from her chair. "Donna, you ok?" 

"Um, no. I need to go. I'll be back later." Donna grabbed her gym bag from under her desk and ran into the lobby. A man like Josh Lyman wasn't going to be the reason why she cried here in these hallowed halls. Of course when she got out to the mall it might be another story. 

"Lyman," CJ cursed under her breath. She stormed over to Ginger who glared and reflected anger. 

"I swear to God, CJ I'm going to kill him." Ginger snapped four pencils as she recapped. 

In all fairness all the women heard was a voice. They didn't see the despair on Josh's face or the way he was hunched down, barely able to hold his own weight up as he spoke those words. Only Sam saw how much it killed his best friend to say those words. And only in the moment did he understand his best friend's logic. He understood how many nights his friend had lost sleep trying to come up with another way. Only he understood, the problem was, he was about to forget. 

CJ nearly kicked down the door, "You son of a bitch! She's an assistant! That's your logic." 

Horror washed over Josh and Sam. 

"How do you know he said that?" 

"If you are going to talk Josh, make sure the call button isn't on. The whole Bullpen heard what you said." 

"Did Donna hear?" Josh started to panic. 

CJ's dagger stare was enough of an answer. "Oh god!" Josh hung his head in his hands. This was beginning to be a common stance for him. 

"You know, I've ignore a lot of stuff. I've allowed you to bug her while she's working. I never said anything to discourage her post date "date" with you. Because I assumed you didn't have the balls to ask her out. But NOW, its taking all the restraint I can muster not to kill you with my bare hands. She's been a zombie since the Teresa incident. No baked goods, no random piece of information. The Press Corps is starting to notice." 

"CJ." 

"Not a word from you, Samuel. You don't get to justify what you did either." She pointed at the speechwriter and turned back to Josh. "If you had no intentions of being with her, why string her along? To hurt her as much as Teresa hurt you?" 

"NO!" He glared at CJ, it was the first time he had looked up, but CJ words were too cruel and hitting too close to home for his comfort. 

"Does that make you feel powerful, Josh! Honestly I was about to stick up for you, I rooted for you. Why not let the poor girl just move on with her life? Damn it I expected more from you. She's an assistant. That is the lamest excuse… She's not good enough for you, is that it?" 

"No." 

"Let me tell you about that assistant. Do you even understand the full range of her job? She protects the senior staff, she's the one who keeps you out of the papers. She's the reason Sam's call girl friend isn't front page news. Or why no one knows about your little visits to the shrink. Lillianfeild's witch hunt on Leo would have been infinitely worse if it wasn't for her. Let me just set the record straight, Joshua. It isn't that she's not good enough for you, it's you aren't good enough for her!" 

"I KNOW!" Josh screamed. He grabbed his keys to continue screaming in his car. He checked CJ out of the way and nearly knocked Mandy down. 

Sam and CJ stood alone in Josh's office. "I am sorry CJ; I was just trying to help." 

"It isn't me you should apologize to, Sam. It's Donna and she won't be mad, just disappointed in you." 

"But that's worse." 

"I know." 

After her two hour run, burning muscles and lungs made Donna return to her desk. She was greeted by a huge bouquet of roses from Sam and a heartfelt note. 

On her way to the soda machine she ran into Josh. 

"Hey." 

She didn't respond. 

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or anything like that." His tone was cold and worse yet, professional. 

"OK," Donna said. She wasn't going to leave it at that, a younger less confident Donna would have, but she was older now. "No, it's not ok. I thought we had something, but I guess I was wrong." 

"I didn't mean to lead you on." 

"Well, it's my fault really. I do have lousy taste in men." Spite and bitterness filled every word. 

"Yeah you do." His words matched her emotions. 

She opened her mouth and stopped, turned and walked back to her desk. 

That night Josh watched her leave from his office window. He hated himself more than ever. Hurting her now was better then hurting her later, right? Well wasn't it? While he tried to convince himself he was doing this for her protection, her career, her sanity, his heart wasn't buying it. The truth was that Donna scared the hell out of him. 


End file.
